瓦蕾丽·斯马特/Valerie Smart

When I was a child, my mother taught me to smile and to be polite. She taught me not to talk too loud or laugh too hard, and to always have a breath mint in my pocket. She taught me to brush my hair before I went next door to play, to wear a pretty nightgown to the sleepover, and to wear a flowered dress to the science fair, because that’s what“others”thought was appropriate. She also taught me to listen more than I talk, which I have always had trouble doing.

From my mother I learned, as a child, to place matching hand towels in the bathroom when company visits and to cash in a savings bond if that’s what it takes to feed your guests. I learned that to prevent family feuds, you walked on eggshells all day on Christmas and Thanksgiving, and had the in-laws over for breakfast, the other side of the family over for lunch, and all of your teenagers’friends over for dessert. As I grew up, my mother grew wiser. By the time I was an adult, I’d learned that when I was a child, my mother hadn’t said no to other people as often as she should have.

While I’ll always be heartbroken that she became a widow at the young age of forty-six. I’ll always be grateful that I came to know my mother as an independent woman afterward. I watched her shed the stereotypes of a woman raised in the 1950s, and I now relish the fact that sometimes she, too, has ice cream for dinner.

From my mother I learned, as an adult, to give yourself what you want, because no one else may ever do it. I learned to laugh and laugh and laugh, because life is too difficult when you don’t. I learned that if you dislike your in-laws or other family members or anyone else, you don’t have to fake it, because life is too short to put on appearances and to worry about what others might think.

I learned that it’s okay not to make the bed, not to iron your jeans, and to leave a pile of dishes in the sink, as long as you take time to sit on the kitchen floor and make Play-Doh snakes with your child. I learned that it’s perfectly acceptable to serve your guests a bag of chips and iced tea, if that’s all you have in the house.

My mother taught me, as an adult, that when a bill comes in the mail, to rip off the return stub, tuck it into the mailing envelope, and put a stamp on it right away. She taught me never to leave a load of wet laundry in the washing machine overnight in humid weather, because when you dry the clothes the next day, they’ll smell like a mildewed shower curtain. She taught me how to make potato salad, manicotti, and Rice Krispies treats. She taught me how to shop on sale, and that you don’t have to paint your face or dye your hair to be a beautiful woman at any age.

My mother taught me the Serenity Prayer. She taught me to listen to my inner voice. She taught me that, although she raised me in an organized religion, if I don’t want to raise my children the same way, that’s just fine. She taught me that when people disagree and argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t care about each other;it’s when you stop caring and talking, even if those emotions and words hurt, that you’re in trouble. My mother also taught me that people do to you only what you allow them to. These are the lessons that have shaped my life. Although a few might seem passe or even silly with the passage of time and the wheels of change, most are timeless and universal. I now realize that all of her lessons came from her heart and were meant to guide and protect me.

Today I see my mother not just as my parent, but also as a woman in her own right, with her own lessons to learn and, fortunately, to share with me, her daughter. So, today, my bills are always paid on time. My family comes before housekeeping, and self-satisfaction before social status. I still spend a small fortune on greeting cards. And I’ve replaced the breath mints with tooth-whitening gum. But I don’t even own guest towels.

在我小的时候，母亲就教育我要微笑示人，以礼待人。她教导我说话声音不要太大，笑声也别太有力，而且还要随身携带保持口气清新的薄荷糖。她说，去邻居家玩时要把头发梳理整齐；在别人家过夜要穿上一件漂亮的睡衣睡觉；去参加科学博览会时，要穿上印有花朵图案的正式服装。这样做，是为了让别人觉得你举止“得体”。母亲还教导我多听少说，但是这一点我总是做不到。

当我还是个孩子时，就从母亲那里学会了有朋友登门拜访时，要在洗手间里为客人准备好配套的擦手毛巾，如果需要花钱款待客人的话，就要提前把公债兑换成现金。我知道了，要避免家庭之间发生争执，你就需要在圣诞节和感恩节的时候，整天都做到谨小慎微；还要邀请姻亲们共进早餐，请家庭成员的亲家们一起吃午餐，请你年轻的伙伴们吃餐后甜点。

在我成长的过程中，母亲变得越发睿智。到我成长为一个成年人时，我知道了，在我小的时候，母亲通常都是尽可能不拒绝别人的请求。

母亲46岁时就成了寡妇，想到她如此年轻就开始守寡，总会让我心痛不已。母亲是位独立的女性，我一直庆幸自己在后来的生活中读懂了这点。她蜕下了生长于20世纪50年代女性的陈腐老套，我目睹了她的这一重大改变。而且现在，我还能欣喜地看到，母亲偶尔也会用冰淇淋来做晚餐。

长大成人的我从母亲身上学会了自己给予自己想要的一切，因为或许这些是你不能从别人那里得到的。我学会笑了又笑，因为在你不笑的时候，生活就是艰辛的。我还懂得，如果你不喜欢自己的姻亲，或其他家庭成员，或者其他任何人，那么就别去伪装，因为生命实在太短暂，你无需花时间巧言令色，也无需在意别人的想法。

我明白，只要你能花一些时间陪孩子坐在厨房的地板上捏彩泥，那么，你不整理床铺，不熨烫衣服，不清洗碗筷都还可以接受。我知道，如果家里只有薯片和冰茶的话，那么给你的客人送上一袋薯片和一杯冰茶也是很不错的。

母亲教会长大成人的我，收到支票时，撕下要返回的存根，把它放进信封里，贴上邮票马上寄回。她教我，永远不要在天气潮湿的时候，把一堆潮湿的脏衣物放在洗衣机里过夜，因为如果这样做的话，等到你第二天把这些衣服烘干后，它们闻上去就像是发霉的浴帘。母亲还教我如何做土豆色拉、番茄沙司烙通心粉、米饭油炸土豆片，如何在商场促销的时候采购物品，以及在任何年龄段都不靠涂脂抹粉或是染头发来让自己变得漂亮。

母亲教我做平静的祈祷，告诉我要倾听内心的呼声。她教导我，尽管她是在一种有组织的宗教信仰中把我养大的，但是如果我不想以同样的方式抚养我的孩子，也是可以的。她教育我，当人们意见不同发生争辩时，那并不意味着他们彼此互不关心。如果即使是那些情感和话语伤害了你，你也漠不关心、缄口不言的话，那么你就有麻烦了。母亲还说，别人对待你的方式是根据你对待他们的方式而产生的。母亲的教导形成了我的生命轮廓。尽管有些做法似乎已经过时，或者在时间流逝和变革中成为荒谬的思想，但是大部分观念是永恒的、通用的。现在，我能够意识到，母亲所有的教导都发自她的心底，都是为了指引和保护我。

如今，在我心里，母亲不仅仅是我的母亲，还是一位有自己思想的独立女性。并且，幸运的是，母亲将她的观念与我——她的女儿一起分享。因此，在今天，我的支票总是可以如期支付，我的家人总是比家务琐事更重要。在我们心里，自我满足感也总比社会地位重要。直到今天，我还是会花一些钱来买贺卡。虽然先前的薄荷糖已被牙齿增白口香糖替代，但是为客人准备擦手毛巾还是没有变的。

词汇笔记

prevent[pri'v?nt]v.预防；阻碍；阻止

例 Vitamin C is supposed to prevent colds.维生素C可以预防感冒。

relish['r?li?]n.滋味；快乐；欣赏；渴望

例 I have no relish for classic music.我对古典音乐不感兴趣。

status['stet?]n.身份；情形；高级职位

例 Age always has status.

长者总是受人尊敬。

greeting['ɡriti?]n.招呼；祝贺

例 Please give my greeting to your sister.请代我向你妹妹问候。

小试身手

她教导我说话声音不要太大，笑声也别太有力，而且还要随身携带保持口气清新的薄荷糖。

译________________________________________

长大成人的我从母亲身上学会了自己给予自己想要的一切。

译________________________________________

幸运的是，母亲将她的观念与我——她的女儿一起分享。

译________________________________________

短语家族

She taught me to listen to my inner voice.

listen to：听……（讲话）；听从

造________________________________________

It doesn’t mean they don’t care about each other.

care about：喜欢；对……感兴趣；担心

造________________________________________